If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There's a naked man in my car right now.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
