I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
