I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
