Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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