Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Shame - the story of my life.
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