is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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