Having a random hookup so left but love u
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
