Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize