dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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