What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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