he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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