This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
