I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
