i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
