I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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