i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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