On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
