We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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