Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
