Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...

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(843): View more from South Carolina

so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger

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(561): View more from Florida

Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!

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(815): View more from Illinois

Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.

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(847): View more from Illinois

For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.

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(972): View more from Texas

You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'

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(303): View more from Colorado

This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.

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(719): View more from Colorado

If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.

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