it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
