smell my finger.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
