shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
