she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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