My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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