theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
