we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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