i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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