just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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