In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
