I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
its liver damage thursday
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
