batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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