Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
