im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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