Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
