giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
