You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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