K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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