yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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