I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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