i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
