saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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