Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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