I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
