There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
