Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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