I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
