It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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