just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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