Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
