So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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