terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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