i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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