She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
