Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
