I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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