dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
