just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
