how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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