strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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