apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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