Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
