The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's never too late to be topless.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
