Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
