Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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