Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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