my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
