if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
