If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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