if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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