i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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