We're like a lot better than the average bears
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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