Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
