I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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