Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
