He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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