(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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