I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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