how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
