if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
