Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize