I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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