I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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