He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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