My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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