Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
