Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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