i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
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I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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